Transitions in my mind

So, I've reached the point where I'm more focused on the end product than the process. I'm less anxious, more excited. I've stopped seeing pregnancy as the main event, and started looking ahead to having a baby. I'm talking labor, delivery AND immediately after when parenting begins. Maybe my journey is being shaped by the books I'm reading. Maybe it's just the beauty of a 40-week adjustment period, in which Baby just naturally makes herself more and more real and obvious. The progression from the abstract double line on the pregnancy test, to the faint and very fast sound of the heartbeat, to the skeletal images of the ultrasound, to consistent movement and kicking and repositioning that I can feel internally and see externally, this little girl is gradually initiating me into motherhood.

After Misconceptions, I moved onto the much gentler and positive Birthing from Within. This may sound crazy, but I've started to get excited about labor! I'm one of those people who looks forward to getting shots, just because I know I can handle it. I like strenuous workouts and activities for the way they make me feel ALIVE and for the stories I get to tell afterwards. I'm not truly comparing labor to a shot or a strenuous workout, but I am getting excited about the experience of it. And I guess I know, as this little girl wriggles around inside me and as I fall more in love with her, that the effort and strain will be worth it, exponentially more so than any vaccine's immunity or workout's new muscle fibers.

Back to the book. Birthing from Within is a lovely book about the personal experience of birth. It encourages women (and their partners) to do "birth art," journaling, and introspection to prepare for the big event. I guess some may say it's a bit "new agey" or "hippyish," but after the very REAL Misconceptions, it's a nice change of pace, working the other side of my brain, perhaps. Also, while Misconceptions made me feel a bit out of control, Birthing from Within makes me feel a bit more in control. One excerpt spoke to me, "Who you are in labor and as a mother is merely an extension of who you are in the rest of your life. So if you want to be present and strong in birth, you need to practice that way of being in your everyday life. The patterns of your life are all cut from the same cloth." The passage is a comfort to me, because I am happy with who I am as a person and how I handle most situations. I feel like both books have been important in helping educate me about the process, and now it is up to me to visualize the birth of my daughter and prepare mentally for the difficult and rewarding task of delivery.